Wishes

I wish I could but I can’t

This dance is not for me

I prance around with mask activated

Masqueraded by balls thrown in my court

My turn to choose...

Put on my walking shoes

Or infuse myself with confusion

Delusional

False realities

But they are my truths

 

I wish I didn’t feel

Pain

Hurt

Anger

Rage

Sadness

Mixed emotions blown out of proportion

My personal big bang theory

 Mental slavery

History repeating itself

By way of generational curses

So I begin to break them

 

I wish I had the desires of my heart

But am I ready for what my heart desires

That would require

A deeper level of soul penetration  

My only limitation is me

I am my worst enemy

I am my worst critic

 No fairy tales or picket fences

To mend

I bend like a palm tree in the middle of Miami during hurricane season

I will not break

I will get stronger

 

 

I wish I didn’t wish anymore

But then...

 where would my dreams go?

Facing the fears of my child

 

 

 

 

 

Today I had to face the fears of my child. Thirty years of surpressed pain and agony brought to the surface in an instant. How is it that the same misfortunes that threatened my existence could come back to haunt my innocent child? What did she ever do to deserve such heartbreaking pain?

 

Intentional and Purposeful!

 

That's when it dawned on me.... it was not about me, her, or the things that plagued us... it was all for the glory of God!

 

Every tear, every hurt, every moment, every second... All for Him.

 

So don't flatter your self, nothing in this world is about you!

When The Stress Gets To Be Too Much...

Woooooooooo! It has been a week. Actually it has been a month! I am not sure what is happening in the air but I have been bombarded with stressful situations. Everywhere I turned there was something going on that would make me lose a loc or two.

But then it happened...

 

I saw #trentshelton "Subtract the Stress" video on YouTube. I love his videos. They are right on point. They are not long and drawn out. His videos gives just enough for me to be encouraged to move on when I am dwelling on something.

Now even though I know that I should not even entertain the idea of getting stressed over things I cannot control, sometimes I lose my mind just a little bit. This video was just a reminder that if things are causing me to lose precious energy and are not building me up....let it go! I needed that.

I started my pruning process of people and things that were no longer good for my health. It is so good not to be weighed down by all the negativity that others can bring into your life.

No more drama! I'm Out!

School's in Session

Poetry for me is my drug of choice
its my voice
when I refuse to lose myself
in any one else but God.
So I bob and weave
float like butterflies sting like bees
like Ali, quick on my feet
and won't retreat from the battle
while you shake like baby rattles
I spit like venomous snakes
and all it takes
is one bite of one piece of one rhyme
and you'll find yourself
infected with dissected
syllables
that are capable
of changing the way you think
when cut... I bleed ink
for me poetry runs deep
and it seeps from my pores
and of course
the source
was individual letters that became words
that I heard make a sentence
that was so intense
it became a line in this rhyme
and by the time
you realize you've been bitten
what I've written
has already penetrated
your constipated
state of being
freeing you from the unnecessary
and contrary to your belief
it's a relief to release
the junk that kept you drunk
sorry honey I shrunk the morbid way you think
putting you on the brink
of revelation as my creations
from my creator removes the hateration
that has become the occupation
of so many
the work is plenty but the workers are few
so chew on that... breathe... class dismissed.

When Emotions Win

I will be the first to raise my hand and say that throughout my life I have made some very impulsive decisions. I let my feelings predict how I would react in plenty of situations. Let me tell you... BAD IDEA!!!!

Once the smoke clears and I start activating my brain cells, I usually find myself in a mess. Many of us react in anger, hurt, confusion, or any other emotions that we are experiencing at the time. Ideally, we should stop, think, and analyze. Do not over analyze... that is another topic for another day. We need to stop before we make any moves, think about what we are feeling, and analyze what  we desire for our hopeful outcome.

In the moment decisions, in most cases, do not end well. Be mindful of how your actions affect you as well as those around you moving forward. Spontaneity is not always a bad thing. It only becomes an issue when it is exercised incorrectly.

Bag Ladies

In the word's of Erykah Badu:

"Bag lady you gone hurt your back

 Dragging all them bags like that

 I guess nobody ever told you

 All you must hold onto, is you, is you, is you"

 

If you have ever experienced exhaustion that is unexplainable, this might be the issue. We tend to carry a lot of unnecessary baggage every where we go.  In most cases, we are not even aware of the burden until it becomes overwhelming. Once we start to experience the pain from the extra load, you would think we would start to drop some things. But no..... We continue on as if this is normal.

 

Let it go!!!!

 

Do you really need to carry around what he did to you or what she said to you? NO...YOU DON'T!!! It just leads to more bags being toted around. Though it is hard to let go, we have to do so in order to live life to the fullest. Don't let your extra weight slow you down or even stop you completely. Face those issues head on and watch your walk get easier.

 



 

Think Before You Leap

react

1. to act in return or reciprocally
2. to act in opposition
3. to act in a reverse way; go back to a former condition, stage, etc.
4. to respond to a stimulus; be affected by some influence, event, etc.

www.your dictionary.com

I have been facing many challenges with my social skills. At first, I would go from 0 to 100 in 2 seconds flat. Yes...that is fast. I was wasting energy on things that were not significant in my life. Wasted time, effort, moments, peace, joy, etc...

What I have learned from these unnecessary moments is that I cannot continue to let things that are beyond my control move me to a place where I lose control...I know too many controls!!! Let me explain... I cannot control who people are and what they do. I cannot control how they respond to certain situations. I cannot control other people's emotions, tongues, or spirits. Trying to do so, would only make me aggravated and frustrated; causing me to lose control.

I refuse to lose my control any longer. Since this revelation, I have been in such a peaceful space. It is like I am on vacation within myself. Nothing but crystal clear, blue, flowing water and white sands occupy my space. I call it my inner paradise.

So... my response to foolery is to have no reaction; none, zilch, nada.

I dare you to try it!

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