Naked and Unashamed

This book sums it all up for me. I am on a writing challenge and I am writing naked and unashamed truth. It is raw and unscripted. Join me on the journey of self discovery as I find Peace from all of the broken pieces of my life.

If I were able to ask my younger self questions, I would ask her how it felt to be teased throughout her childhood. I would ask her how it felt to not have the love of her father. I would ask her how if felt to be hated by your siblings because you were the youngest. I would ask her why she felt lonely even though she had many friends. I would ask her why she did things she knew she would get in trouble for. I would ask her how she felt when her cousin tried to molest her. I would ask her why she blamed herself and why she never spoke up for herself.

My younger self will remind me that even though she was teased she made it through and is stronger for it. She will remind me that though my father did not show me love that my mother gave me all the love she had plus other family members. She would remind me that my siblings did not understand why I was treated different and they were kids who really did not know how to express themselves. Kids with their own issues and masks. She would remind me that loneliness did not feel good but because of it I know what not being alone feels like. She would remind me that the reason why I did things to get in trouble was because of the attention I felt like I couldn’t get. She would remind me that I did nothing to deserve someone violating me and I should not blame myself for someone else’s shortcomings. She would remind me that she did not speak up because she was afraid of rejection and the thought of no one believing her because she thought it was her fault.

If I were to ask my older self questions, I would ask her if she is satisfied with her life. I would ask her if she felt that everything she sacrificed was worth it. I would ask her if she ever found the love she lost on January 26^th. I would ask her how she learned to live with the pain of not sharing her life with her soulmate. I would ask her if she has any regrets in life. I would ask her if she was living her best life. I would ask her if her passion turned into her career. I would ask her if she and her children ever gotten on an even understanding about life. I would ask her when she found out her true purpose and how she walked in it. I would ask her if everything that she feared truly a reality or was she just putting up a barrier to protect herself.

My older self wants me to know that it all works out in the end. She wants me to know that I am worth every tear I have cried. She wants me to know that it will be hard work but I need to press through. She would want me to know that I can accomplish anything I put my mind to. She would want me to know that if I stay committed, I will definitely succeed. She would want me to know that fear is only a crutch that I hold onto to avoid being successful. She would want me to know that success does not equate to being perfect. She would want me to know that I will find love again and this time it will be heavenly. She would want me to know that I should not close myself up. She would want me to know that I should express my feeling in ways that are healthy for healing. She would want me to know that I am more than a warrior and that I am strong. She would want me to know that my story will help so many like me. She would want me to know that I will make an impact on the world; one woman at a time. She would want me to know that when life gets tough, I should stand on the promises that God has given me. She would want me to know that I will live in that house I desire with my “happy room”.  She would want me to know that life is too short to allow others to dictate my life. She would want me to know that I am loved beyond measure. She would want me to know that my value in myself led other to believe they were worth it!

Storms of Life

At some point life continues to throw darts at you. When you think you have gotten through one storm, there comes another one. A bigger one! One that continues to knock you down regardless of how hard you try to stand up. The only thing that will keep you from drowning is God. He will keep you even when you don’t think you have a way out. Sometimes we have to take a moment and realize that a change will definitely come no matter how bad it seems. 

The ones that are closest to you are the ones that hurt you the most. They will hurt you in a way that is so unbelievable that you think you are dreaming. It is a hurt that shreds your very being and it will not go away. Eventually it begins to change the person who you are into someone who you do not recognize.

How do you get back from that? You stand on the ROCK! He will never leave you nor forsake you. Everything that happens; every hurt, every ounce of pain, every unforgettable moment will be healed. It takes a while but eventually you will get there. Everything is working out for your good no matter how terrible it seems at the time. It is at this moment that you need every ounce of faith you can muster!

Tell your storm: WINDS STOP BLOWING…DEATH CANT TAKE ME….YOU CANT DROWN ME WHILE GOD SURROUNDS ME!

Potential

 

 

Have you ever fell in love with someone because of the potential that they posses? Or what they could become? ...

This can be a very dangerous road to travel. There are many occasions where people never reach their full potential. So where do we find ourselves?... Waiting for the what if, living in a pseudo reality, and dreaming without ever truly waking up.

So many times I hear the famous words "only if he/she would get themselves together, they would be..." How many times will you read the same page over and over and over again before you realize that if the person was going to strive to reach their full potential, there would be some growth. You find yourself dealing with the same problems, having the same arguments, and living the same lies daily. Yes!!!! Lies!!!! You are living a lie! One of the definitions of a lie is "to create a false or misleading impression" You have programmed your mind to think that the relationship is one thing when, surely,  it is something completely different. Love people for who they are and where they are in life. If you cannot deal with them in the present don't hope for a better version in the future.

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When Does One Say Uncle?

I woke up this morning around 2 o'clock a.m. and the Cheaters was on the television. This couple had been together for 4 years... married with children. . and the guy decides to cheat. The lady walks away but then in the update, she decided to give him another chance.

 

It reminds me of Macy Gray's song. " I try to say goodbye and I choke. Try to walk away and I stumble."
 

What makes some stay and what makes some leave?
 

It made me think of past relationships. I let some go over things that would be considered as minor while I stayed in some that were questionable. What makes the heart long for another while the mind is telling you to run? These are questions that I will continue to ponder as I look over my life and look over the lives of those around me.

With each relationship, we pour so much of ourselves into it, that at some point our jug is empty and we have nothing left to give. A relationship should be about give and take. If you are pouring into another person, they need to be pouring into you in return. If you find yourself in a relationship where you are feeling empty, then it is certainly time for you to let go.

Throw your hands up, grab your bags, and walk away! Don't look back! It did not work for a reason so accept that. You can reflect but do not dwell on it. Dwelling on the past only drains you of precious moments and energy. Relationships that do not work will become life lessons so that the next time the test rolls around, you will be prepared

I have learned to say UNCLE!