Thoughts That Kill

Thoughts!!!

Throughout my life, I did not realize how much I was sabotaging my own life by the thoughts that I kept on a daily basis. Negativity consumed my mind and therefore it controlled my life. I didn’t understand, at the time, how something so small could make such a huge impact.

Searching my kindle, I ran across a book called Your Thoughts Are Killing You by Marybeth Wuenschel. This book gave me a new perspective about changing my thoughts to avoid the struggles that I continued to find myself stumbling into.

“ A stronghold begins with just a thought and, if allowed, can grow from one thought into a series of thoughts that become default thought patterns. These thoughts take control and capture what they were never authorized to take: our peace of mind and self-control.“

All I could say after digesting those two sentences was, “WOW” !!! I was giving my negative thoughts power and they were not even supposed to have access to any of it. I had physically manifested what started as a small whisper of doubt, fear, and unworthiness into a giant mudslide called my life. I could not blame anyone or anything on this disaster. It was all me! Once I realized this, I understood that since I created this life, I could also UN-create it.

This was a process! An everyday, change how you think about things process. My perspective was no longer seeing the glass as half empty. At this point, I was just happy to have a glass. I began to become grateful for each day and each opportunity. Good or Bad. Yes, bad experiences are opportunities as well. I have done my best growing in those times.  It was not easy so I took it one small victory at a time. I celebrated when I reached every tiny step that allowed me to get closer to my goal. When I missed the mark, I did not berate myself. I just picked myself up and kept on going.

You have the ability to live an abundant life! All you have to do is believe in you!

We are not perfect and we will make mistakes, however, that is never the end. Set small attainable goals for yourself and celebrate each moment of success no matter how minor it may seem. When negative thoughts pop in, don't dwell on them. Instead, replace them with something positive.

Saving yourself starts with the thoughts you keep!

You got this!

Naked and Unashamed

This book sums it all up for me. I am on a writing challenge and I am writing naked and unashamed truth. It is raw and unscripted. Join me on the journey of self discovery as I find Peace from all of the broken pieces of my life.

If I were able to ask my younger self questions, I would ask her how it felt to be teased throughout her childhood. I would ask her how it felt to not have the love of her father. I would ask her how if felt to be hated by your siblings because you were the youngest. I would ask her why she felt lonely even though she had many friends. I would ask her why she did things she knew she would get in trouble for. I would ask her how she felt when her cousin tried to molest her. I would ask her why she blamed herself and why she never spoke up for herself.

My younger self will remind me that even though she was teased she made it through and is stronger for it. She will remind me that though my father did not show me love that my mother gave me all the love she had plus other family members. She would remind me that my siblings did not understand why I was treated different and they were kids who really did not know how to express themselves. Kids with their own issues and masks. She would remind me that loneliness did not feel good but because of it I know what not being alone feels like. She would remind me that the reason why I did things to get in trouble was because of the attention I felt like I couldn’t get. She would remind me that I did nothing to deserve someone violating me and I should not blame myself for someone else’s shortcomings. She would remind me that she did not speak up because she was afraid of rejection and the thought of no one believing her because she thought it was her fault.

If I were to ask my older self questions, I would ask her if she is satisfied with her life. I would ask her if she felt that everything she sacrificed was worth it. I would ask her if she ever found the love she lost on January 26^th. I would ask her how she learned to live with the pain of not sharing her life with her soulmate. I would ask her if she has any regrets in life. I would ask her if she was living her best life. I would ask her if her passion turned into her career. I would ask her if she and her children ever gotten on an even understanding about life. I would ask her when she found out her true purpose and how she walked in it. I would ask her if everything that she feared truly a reality or was she just putting up a barrier to protect herself.

My older self wants me to know that it all works out in the end. She wants me to know that I am worth every tear I have cried. She wants me to know that it will be hard work but I need to press through. She would want me to know that I can accomplish anything I put my mind to. She would want me to know that if I stay committed, I will definitely succeed. She would want me to know that fear is only a crutch that I hold onto to avoid being successful. She would want me to know that success does not equate to being perfect. She would want me to know that I will find love again and this time it will be heavenly. She would want me to know that I should not close myself up. She would want me to know that I should express my feeling in ways that are healthy for healing. She would want me to know that I am more than a warrior and that I am strong. She would want me to know that my story will help so many like me. She would want me to know that I will make an impact on the world; one woman at a time. She would want me to know that when life gets tough, I should stand on the promises that God has given me. She would want me to know that I will live in that house I desire with my “happy room”.  She would want me to know that life is too short to allow others to dictate my life. She would want me to know that I am loved beyond measure. She would want me to know that my value in myself led other to believe they were worth it!