The Story That Is You

I must admit that I had been standing outside of my story for years! Hustling for my worthiness, trying to fit in, and neglecting my authentic self. After reading the Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown, I came to realize that the put together, all of the time woman I was seeking, was only a myth.

My aha moment came when she penned these words...

" When we spend a lifetime trying to distance ourselves from the parts of our lives that don't fit with who we think we're supposed to be, we stand outside of our story and hustle for our worthiness by constantly performing, perfecting, pleasing, and proving."

How many of us have done this time and time again?

I raise my hand twice because this is me!!!

I am supposed to be the strong one so I can't break down. I am supposed to be the leader so no one can see me fail. I am supposed to be the one that has the answers so I surely cannot tell anyone that I do not know.

Okay, so I am raising my hands two more times!!!

I wondered why I was continuously tired. I didn't realize at the time that I was in constant hustle mode. Trying to please others, striving for perfection, and proving myself daily left me in a state of panic mode. What if someone saw the real me? What if someone new that I wasn't strong all of the time?  What if someone knew that even though I was smiling, I was slowly dying inside?  What if someone saw me totally exposed? What if someone saw me in all of my glorious flaws?

What if?...

"What ifs" are dangerous for so many reasons. The main reason being, that it leaves you drowning in a sea of doubt that eventually becomes a raging storm. It also creates an inner turmoil so outrageously unsettling that you become a basket of unworthiness. I found myself "what iffing" (yes, I said it... we are going to make it a thing) so much that I lost the true purpose of who I was and what I needed to share. My story is not so different from many of you who are reading this, however, it is mine and I should own it. I should live it. I should understand that someone needs to see me in my not so strong moments. Someone needs to see that everything is not perfect. Someone needs to see how I continue on in spite of the flaws. This my friend, is reality! I was feeding others a false sense of what real life looks like. I do not want anyone to think that if you break down that you are not strong. Or that you are a failure if something didn't work out as you thought. I do not want to be responsible for misleading anyone into what I now call the "pseudo dimension".

In the pseudo dimension, everything that glitters is gold. Life is perfect and so are we. Everything we try is an absolute success and let's not forget that everyone wears rose colored glasses. Sounds great, right?... not so much!!!

Brene Brown went on to say that, 

" Owning our story and loving ourselves through the process is the bravest thing that we will ever do."

If this doesn't show strength, then I think I have this thing called life all wrong. Being brave does not mean we have to fight bears in the woods or not cover our face during a scary movie. It means being afraid but doing it anyhow. It means courage!

Own your story!

Love yourself while you do!

You will grow tremendously and you will also be in a position to help someone else by sharing!

Thoughts That Kill

Thoughts!!!

Throughout my life, I did not realize how much I was sabotaging my own life by the thoughts that I kept on a daily basis. Negativity consumed my mind and therefore it controlled my life. I didn’t understand, at the time, how something so small could make such a huge impact.

Searching my kindle, I ran across a book called Your Thoughts Are Killing You by Marybeth Wuenschel. This book gave me a new perspective about changing my thoughts to avoid the struggles that I continued to find myself stumbling into.

“ A stronghold begins with just a thought and, if allowed, can grow from one thought into a series of thoughts that become default thought patterns. These thoughts take control and capture what they were never authorized to take: our peace of mind and self-control.“

All I could say after digesting those two sentences was, “WOW” !!! I was giving my negative thoughts power and they were not even supposed to have access to any of it. I had physically manifested what started as a small whisper of doubt, fear, and unworthiness into a giant mudslide called my life. I could not blame anyone or anything on this disaster. It was all me! Once I realized this, I understood that since I created this life, I could also UN-create it.

This was a process! An everyday, change how you think about things process. My perspective was no longer seeing the glass as half empty. At this point, I was just happy to have a glass. I began to become grateful for each day and each opportunity. Good or Bad. Yes, bad experiences are opportunities as well. I have done my best growing in those times.  It was not easy so I took it one small victory at a time. I celebrated when I reached every tiny step that allowed me to get closer to my goal. When I missed the mark, I did not berate myself. I just picked myself up and kept on going.

You have the ability to live an abundant life! All you have to do is believe in you!

We are not perfect and we will make mistakes, however, that is never the end. Set small attainable goals for yourself and celebrate each moment of success no matter how minor it may seem. When negative thoughts pop in, don't dwell on them. Instead, replace them with something positive.

Saving yourself starts with the thoughts you keep!

You got this!