Wishes

I wish I could but I can’t

This dance is not for me

I prance around with mask activated

Masqueraded by balls thrown in my court

My turn to choose...

Put on my walking shoes

Or infuse myself with confusion

Delusional

False realities

But they are my truths

 

I wish I didn’t feel

Pain

Hurt

Anger

Rage

Sadness

Mixed emotions blown out of proportion

My personal big bang theory

 Mental slavery

History repeating itself

By way of generational curses

So I begin to break them

 

I wish I had the desires of my heart

But am I ready for what my heart desires

That would require

A deeper level of soul penetration  

My only limitation is me

I am my worst enemy

I am my worst critic

 No fairy tales or picket fences

To mend

I bend like a palm tree in the middle of Miami during hurricane season

I will not break

I will get stronger

 

 

I wish I didn’t wish anymore

But then...

 where would my dreams go?

Facing the fears of my child

 

 

 

 

 

Today I had to face the fears of my child. Thirty years of surpressed pain and agony brought to the surface in an instant. How is it that the same misfortunes that threatened my existence could come back to haunt my innocent child? What did she ever do to deserve such heartbreaking pain?

 

Intentional and Purposeful!

 

That's when it dawned on me.... it was not about me, her, or the things that plagued us... it was all for the glory of God!

 

Every tear, every hurt, every moment, every second... All for Him.

 

So don't flatter your self, nothing in this world is about you!